The grief of unspeakable choices

When we decided to step in and become Sebellah’s safe place, we had no idea the choices we would have continue to make. For years our daughter battled with addiction and severe mental health issues. This dual diagnosis made it virtually impossible to be the stable nurturing parent that Sebellah needed. I have no question that she longed to be a good parent, but in her agony and brokenness she was incapable of this. We supported her through multiple treatment centers and medication changes, but she kept returning to her addictions like her favorite pair of sweats. Finally we had to make the heart-wrenching decision to separate from the chaos and choose Sebellah, because we were the only ones that would. So in the midst of our complete life upheaval caring for an infant, we were living in a hurricane of anger, grief and loss.
The anger at our daughter and of the unfairness of the situation because at this point we knew this was forever.
The grief of knowing that even this separation and untangling of our lives would most likely not change Beth’s trajectory. Understanding that the agonizing pain she would feel due to our choices could send her over the edge. She never came back from this or the death of her 6 month old daughter Haven…..she eventually overdosed and passed away.
The loss of the dream of a healthy loving relationship with our daughter. The loss of the beautiful parts of her. She was passionate, creative, and so funny.

In your decision to keep your grands safe, you may have to make an impossible choice. To let your child go, giving them to your higher power to care for, because you realize you are unable to do so yourself.
Every story is different, I hope your’s has an outcome of healing and restoration.
Our choices ache, but I would make them again for this sweet girl..

Walking alongside you


Published by


I have been involved in the field of Human Services for 30 plus years. I teach in the field of Human Services for Purdue University Global. Allene is a stay at home "Lolli", after spending many years in the Healthcare field. We have 3 adult children and in May, 2018, we adopted our granddaughter, who is 6 years-old. We have had her since she was 5 months old. At the end of 2019, we moved to Mount Airy, North Carolina, as a part of a plan to downsize and give Allene the chance to retire, and be at home full-time. We are devoted to making a difference in Sebellah's life and also in the lives of other grandparents raising grandchildren.

Leave a Reply